Well, I have a lot of them. Feelings of inadequacy, of doubt, of elation, of excitement. And the contradiction of feelings results in tension, right? A tight pull in your stomach, maybe a swelling in your chest, or the need for a deep breath. Well, that tension is why I create. If I didn't, I'm convinced I would be pulled apart by it all. Actually, I started to be pulled apart by it all. For about a year, I just stopped making. Those feelings of inadequacy, mixed with a still-new city, lack of community, and quite honestly a lack of resources, led to me pulling back and almost hiding from my desire to create. It seems like I thought it'd be easier to just not. But oh, ho ho, was I WRONG. Those feelings didn't just go away; they festered. I didn't realize that listening to the tension in my body and letting it out by working at this artistic career would actually help. And while that year was hard and sad and full of anxious nights and a bit of terror, it also made me come back to making with a vengeance.
Part of that vengeance is right here. This blog, yes, but mainly my work. Putting myself out on a platter (read: screen) for all to see and read and misread and misunderstand and understand and identify with and roll their eyes at. Listening to the tensions in our minds and bodies, slathering them on a canvas, slicing them out of a magazine, squishing them onto a piece of paper and shoving them in your face. I won't always be profound, or entertaining, and sometimes I'll just be quiet, but I'll be here. I think you should listen to me.
2 Comments
Anna
10/22/2019 11:19:46 am
I’ll be listening. So glad that creating has helped you so much.. brave and open blog. I look forward to more of them
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BA Thomas
10/22/2019 02:19:13 pm
<3 Thank you!
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